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Copyright, ii
Preface, xiii
Acknowledgments, xx
About the Authors, xxiii
Part One. Interpersonal Communication Foundations, 1
Chapter 1. Introduction to Interpersonal Communication, 2
Defining Interpersonal Communication, 4
Interpersonal Communication Is a Distinctive Form of Communication, 4
Interpersonal Communication Involves Mutual Influence Between Individuals, 5
Interpersonal Communication Helps Individuals Manage Their Relationships, 6
The Importance of Interpersonal Communication, 6
Understanding Interpersonal Communication Can Improve Relationships with Family, 6
Understanding Interpersonal Communication Can Improve Relationships with Friends and Lovers, 7
Understanding Interpersonal Communication Can Improve Relationships with Colleagues, 7
Understanding Interpersonal Communication Can Improve Physical and Emotional Health, 7
An Evolving Model for Human and Interpersonal Communication, 8
Human Communication as Action: Message Transfer, 8
Human Communication as Interaction: Message Exchange, 10
Human Communication as Transaction: Message Creation, 11
Mediated Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others Online, 12
Applying Theory and Research: Communicating Online: Social Information-Processing Theory, 14
Principles of Interpersonal Communication, 16
Interpersonal Communication Connects Us to Others, 16
Understanding Diversity: The World Is Here, 17
Interpersonal Communication Is Irreversible, 18
Interpersonal Communication Is Complicated, 18
Interpersonal Communication Is Governed by Rules, 19
Interpersonal Communication Involves Both Content and Relationship Dimensions, 20
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: The Role of Emotions in Our Relationships with Others, 21
Interpersonal Communication Myths, 22
Myth: “More Words Will Make the Meaning Clearer”, 22
Myth: “Meanings Are in Words”, 22
Myth: “Information Equals Communication”, 23
Myth: “Interpersonal Relationship Problems Are Always Communication Problems”, 23
How to Improve Your Own Interpersonal Communication Competence, 24
Become Knowledgeable, 25
Become Skilled, 25
Become Motivated, 25
Become Adaptable, 26
Become Ethical, 26
Become Other-Oriented, 26
Becoming Other-Oriented: Consider Others’ Needs and Perspectives Without Abandoning Your Integrity, 28
Summary, 29
For Discussion and Review, 30
Learning with Others, 30
Weblinks, 31
Chapter 2. Interpersonal Communication and Self, 32
Self-Concept: Who Are You?, 34
Building Your Skills: Who Are You?, 34
Are You Conscious of Who You Are?, 35
Subjective Self-Awareness, 36
Symbolic Self-Awareness, 36
One or Many Selves?, 37
How Your Self-Concept Develops, 38
Applying Theory and Research: Symbolic Interaction Theory, 40
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: Self and Emotion: How We Influence How We Feel, 42
Self-Esteem: Your Self-Worth, 44
How to Improve Your Self-Esteem, 45
Engage in Self-Talk, 45
Visualize a Positive Image of Yourself, 45
Avoid Comparing Yourself with Others, 46
Reframe Appropriately, 46
Develop Honest Relationships, 46
Let Go of the Past, 47
Seek Support, 47
How Self-Concept and Self-Esteem Affect Interpersonal Communication and Relationships, 48
Self and Others, 48
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, 49
Self and Interpretation of Messages, 49
Self and Interpersonal Needs, 50
Self and Communication Style, 51
Building Your Skills: Sociocommunicative Orientation, 52
Self-Disclosure: Connecting Self to Others Through Talk, 53
Understanding the Depth and Breadth of Self-Disclosure: The Social Penetration Model of Self-Disclosure, 53
Understanding Diversity: Cultural Differences in Self-Disclosure, 55
Understanding How We Learn About Ourselves from Others: The Johari Window Model of Self-Disclosure, 55
Characteristics of Self-Disclosure, 57
Self-Disclosure Usually Occurs in Small Increments, 58
Self-Disclosure Moves from Less Personal to More Personal Information, 58
Self-Disclosure Is Reciprocal, 59
Self-Disclosure Involves Risk, 59
Self-Disclosure Online Is Different from Face-to-Face Disclosure, 59
Self Disclosure Involves Trust, 60
Self-Disclosure Over Time: Enhancing Intimacy, 61
Self-Disclosure Reflects Perceptions About the Nature of Your Relationships, 62
Self-Disclosure Guidelines, 63
Becoming Other-Oriented: A World View, 63
Summary, 64
For Discussion and Review, 65
Learning with Others, 65
Weblinks, 65
Chapter 3. Interpersonal Communication and Perception, 66
Understanding Interpersonal Perception, 68
Stage 1: Selecting, 68
Stage 2: Organizing, 70
Stage 3: Interpreting, 72
Perceiving Others, 72
How We Form Impressions of Others, 73
How We Describe Others, 74
How We Interpret the Behavior of Others, 75
Understanding Diversity: The Power of Perspective, 76
Barriers to Accurate Interpersonal Perception, 77
Ignoring Information, 78
Overgeneralizing, 78
Oversimplifying, 78
Stereotyping, 78
Imposing Consistency, 79
Focusing on the Negative, 79
Blaming: Assuming That Others Have Control, 80
Avoiding Responsibility, 80
Applying Theory and Research: Politeness Theory, 81
Improving Your Perception Skills, 82
Link Details with the Big Picture, 83
Become Aware of Others’ Perceptions of You, 83
Increase Your Conscious Awareness, 83
Becoming Other-Oriented: Ten Questions That Can Help You Become Other-Oriented, 84
Become Other-Oriented, 84
Check Your Perceptions, 84
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: How to More Accurately Perceive the Emotions of Others, 85
Summary, 86
For Discussion and Review, 86
Learning with Others, 86
Weblinks, 87
Chapter 4. Interpersonal Communication and Cultural Diversity: Adapting to Others, 88
Understanding Diversity: A Diversity Almanac, 90
Understanding Diversity: Describing Our Differences, 91
Gender, 91
Sexual Orientation, 92
Race and Ethnicity, 92
Age, 94
Social Class, 94
Understanding Culture: Describing Our Mental Software, 96
Cultural Elements, 96
How We Learn Our Culture, 97
Cultural Values, 97
Applying Theory and Research: Uncertainty Reduction Theory, 99
Cultural Contexts, 101
Barriers to Effective Intercultural Communication, 102
Ethnocentrism, 103
Different Communication Codes, 103
Understanding Diversity: Ethnocentric Thinking, 104
Building Your Skills: Assessing Your Ethnocentrism, 105
Stereotyping and Prejudice, 106
Assuming Similarities, 106
Assuming Differences, 107
Improving Intercultural Competence, 108
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: Are There Universal Emotions?, 109
Developing Bridging Strategies, 110
Developing Knowledge: Strategies to Understand Others Who Differ from Us, 110
Developing Motivation: Strategies to Accept Others, 112
Understanding Diversity: Tao: A Universal Moral Code, 114
Developing Skill: Strategies to Adapt to Others, 115
Becoming Other-Oriented: The Platinum Rule, 118
Summary, 120
For Discussion and Review, 121
Learning with Others, 121
Weblinks, 121
Part Two. Interpersonal Communication Skills, 122
Chapter 5. Listening and Responding Skills, 124
Listening Defined, 126
Selecting, 126
Attending, 127
Understanding, 127
Remembering, 127
Responding, 128
Listening Styles, 128
People-Oriented Listeners, 129
Action-Oriented Listeners, 129
Content-Oriented Listeners, 129
Time-Oriented Listeners, 130
Understanding Your Listening Style, 130
Listening Barriers, 130
Being Self-Absorbed, 131
Understanding Diversity: Who Listens Better, Men or Women?, 132
Unchecked Emotions, 133
Criticizing the Speaker, 133
Building Your Skills: Identifying Your Emotional “Hot Buttons”, 134
Differing Speech Rate and Thought Rate, 134
Shifting Attention, 135
Information Overload, 135
External Noise, 136
Listener Apprehension, 136
Improving Listening, Comprehension, and Responding Skills, 137
Stop, 137
Look, 138
Listen, 139
Ask Questions, 140
Reflect Content by Paraphrasing, 140
Becoming Other-Oriented: Identifying Message Details and Major Ideas, 141
Improving Empathic Listening and Responding Skills, 142
Building Your Skills: Test Your Empathy, 143
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: How to Express Helpful and Empathic Social Support to Others, 144
Understand Your Partner’s Feelings: Imagine How You Would Feel, 145
Paraphrase Emotions, 145
Building Your Skills: Sympathy versus Empathy, 146
Applying Theory and Research: Listening to Others’ Stories as Co-Storyteller, 147
Responding to Confirm or Disconfirm Others, 149
Provide Confirming Responses, 149
Avoid Disconfirming Responses, 151
Improving Critical Listening Skills, 153
Identify Useful and Flawed Information, 153
Avoid Jumping to Conclusions, 153
Improving Your Responding Skills, 154
Provide Well-Timed Responses, 154
Provide Usable Information, 155
Avoid Unnecessary Details, 155
Be Descriptive Rather Than Evaluative, 155
Summary, 156
For Discussion and Review, 156
Learning with Others, 157
Weblinks, 157
Chapter 6. Verbal Communication Skills, 158
Understanding How Words Work, 160
Words Are Symbols, 160
Words Are Arbitrary, 160
Words Are Context-Bound, 161
Words Are Culture-Bound, 161
Words Communicate Denotative and Connotative Meaning, 162
Words Communicate Concrete or Abstract Meaning, 162
Recognizing the Power of Words, 163
Words Have Power to Create, 163
Words Have Power to Affect Thoughts and Actions, 164
Words Have Power to Affect and Reflect Culture, 165
Words Have Power to Affect the Quality of Our Interpersonal Relationships, 165
Avoiding Word Barriers, 166
Bypassing: One Word, Two Thoughts, 166
Lack of Precision: Uncertain Meaning, 167
Allness: The Language of Generalization, 169
Static Evaluation: The Language of Rigidity, 169
Polarization: The Language of Extremes, 170
Biased Language: Insensitivity Toward Others, 170
Using Words to Establish Supportive Relationships, 174
Describe Your Own Feelings, Rather Than Evaluate the Behavior of Others, 175
Building Your Skills: Practice Using “I” Language and Extended “I” Language, 176
Applying Theory and Research: The Pros and Cons of Expressing Your Affection to Your Friends, 177
Solve Problems Rather Than Try to Control Others, 178
Be Genuine Rather Than Manipulative, 178
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: Expressing Your Emotions, 178
Empathize Rather Than Remain Detached from Others, 180
Be Flexible Rather Than Rigid Toward Others, 180
Present Yourself as Equal Rather Than Superior, 180
When You’ve Not Been Other-Oriented: The Power of an Apology, 181
Building Your Skills: How to Assert Yourself If You Are Sexually Harassed, 182
Using Words to Be Appropriately Assertive, 183
Behaving Assertively: Five Steps, 184
Becoming Other-Oriented: Bumper Sticker Slogans, 185
Building Your Skills: Assertiveness, 186
Summary, 187
For Discussion and Review, 188
Learning with Others, 188
Weblinks, 189
Chapter 7. Nonverbal Communication Skills, 190
Why Learn About Nonverbal Communication?, 191
Nonverbal Messages Are the Primary Way We Communicate Our Feelings and Attitudes, 192
Nonverbal Messages Are Usually More Believable Than Verbal Messages, 192
Nonverbal Messages Work with Verbal Messages to Create Meaning, 193
People Respond and Adapt to Others Through Nonverbal Messages, 194
Nonverbal Messages Play a Major Role in Interpersonal Relationships, 194
Applying Theory and Research: Are Happily Married Couples Better at Interpreting Their Partners’ Nonverbal Messages?, 195
The Challenge of Interpreting Nonverbal Messages, 196
Nonverbal Messages Are Often Ambiguous, 197
Nonverbal Messages Are Continuous, 197
Nonverbal Cues Are Multichanneled, 197
Understanding Diversity: Cultural Differences in Interpreting Nonverbal Messages, 198
Nonverbal Interpretation Is Culture-Based, 198
Understanding Nonverbal Communication Codes, 199
Body Movement, Posture, and Gestures, 199
Eye Contact, 202
Facial Expression, 202
Vocal Cues, 204
Personal Space, 205
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: How to Accurately Interpret the Nonverbal Expression of Emotions, 206
Territory, 208
Touch, 208
Appearance, 210
Interpreting Nonverbal Communication, 211
Immediacy: Communicating Liking, 211
Understanding Diversity: Gender Differences and Nonverbal Communication, 212
Arousal: Communicating Responsiveness, 212
Dominance: Communicating Power, 212
Improving Your Ability to Interpret Nonverbal Messages, 214
Consider Nonverbal Cues in Context, 215
Look for Clusters of Nonverbal Cues, 215
Consider Past Experiences When Interpreting Nonverbal Cues, 215
Check Your Perceptions with Others, 216
Becoming Other-Oriented: Checking Perceptions, 216
Be Aware That the Nonverbal Expression of Emotion Is Contagious, 217
Look for Cues That May Communicate Lying, 218
Summary, 219
For Discussion and Review, 219
Learning with Others, 220
Weblinks, 221
Chapter 8. Conflict Management Skills, 222
What Is Conflict?, 224
Myths About Conflict, 225
Myth 1: “Conflict Is Always a Sign of a Poor Interpersonal Relationship”, 225
Myth 2: “Conflict Can Always Be Avoided”, 225
Myth 3: “Conflict Always Occurs Because of Misunderstandings”, 226
Myth 4: “Conflict Can Always Be Resolved”, 226
Types of Conflict, 226
Pseudoconflict: Misunderstandings, 227
Simple Conflict: Different Stands on the Issues, 227
Understanding Diversity: Gender, Culture, and Conflict, 228
Ego Conflict: Conflict Gets Personal, 230
Conflict as a Process, 231
Source: Prior Conditions, 232
Beginning: Frustration Awareness, 232
Middle: Active Conflict, 232
End: Resolution, 232
Aftermath: Follow-Up, 233
Conflict Management Styles, 234
Avoidance, 235
Accommodation, 236
Competition, 237
Compromise, 237
Collaboration, 238
Applying Theory and Research: Cultural Differences and Preferred Conflict Management Style, 240
Conflict Management Skills, 241
Manage Your Emotions, 241
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: Tips for Managing Anger, 243
Manage Information, 245
Be Empathic, 247
Manage Goals, 247
Becoming Other-Oriented: Empathy: The Essential Other-Oriented Skill Set, 248
Manage the Problem, 249
Communicating with Prickly People, 252
Go to the Balcony, 252
Step to the Side, 252
Change the Frame, 252
Build a Golden Bridge, 252
Make It Hard to Say No, 253
Summary, 253
For Discussion and Review, 254
Learning with Others, 254
Weblinks, 255
Part Three. Interpersonal Communication in Relationships, 256
Chapter 9. Understanding Interpersonal Relationships, 258
Interpersonal Relationships Defined, 260
Shared Perception, 260
Ongoing Connection, 260
Relational Expectations, 260
Interpersonal Intimacy, 261
Genesis of Interpersonal Relationships: Attraction, 262
Understanding Diversity: Dating Customs Around the World, 263
Factors Leading to Short-Term Initial Attraction, 264
Factors Leading to Both Short-Term Initial Attraction and Long-Term Maintenance Attraction, 265
Building Your Skills: Are Your Needs Complementary?, 267
Influence in Interpersonal Relationships: Power, 269
Principles of Interpersonal Power, 269
Types of Power Relationships, 270
Types of Power, 271
Compliance Gaining: Interpersonal Persuasion, 272
Negotiating Power in Interpersonal Relationships, 273
Relationships with Friends, Lovers, and Family, 274
Friends, 275
Applying Theory and Research: Expectations of Same-Sex Friends, 280
Lovers: Romantic Relationships, 281
Family Relationships, 282
Becoming Other-Oriented: Intimacy and Power in Relationships, 285
Summary, 286
For Discussion and Review, 286
Learning with Others, 287
Weblinks, 287
Chapter 10. Developing Interpersonal Relationships, 288
Stages of Interpersonal Relationships, 290
Relational Escalation, 292
Relational De-Escalation, 293
Building Your Skills: Graphing Your Relationship Changes, 294
Theories of Interpersonal Relationship Development, 295
Social Exchange Theory, 296
Dialectical Theory, 298
Strategies and Skills for Developing Interpersonal Relationships, 299
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: Emotions in Relational Development, Social Exchange Theory, and Dialectical Theory, 300
Skills and Strategies Used Primarily to Initiate a Relationship, 302
Skills and Strategies Used in Both Initiating and Escalating Relationships, 305
Applying Theory and Research: Initiation Stage: Male-Initiated versus Female-Initiated Date Requests, 308
Building Your Skills: Anxiety Level and Familiarity, 309
Skills and Strategies Specific to Escalating and Maintaining Relationships, 310
Becoming Other-Oriented: Adapting Relational Strategies and Skills to Your Partner, 313
Summary, 314
For Discussion and Review, 315
Learning with Others, 315
Weblinks, 315
Chapter 11. Managing Relationship Challenges, 316
Relationship Challenges, 318
Violations of Relational Expectations and Failure Events, 318
Building Your Skills: Responding to Failure Events, 320
Physical Separation and Distance, 321
Relationships That Challenge Social Norms, 322
Building Your Skills: Friends with a Difference, 324
The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication and Relationships, 325
The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication: Deception, 325
Applying Theory and Research: When Lies Are Uncovered, 328
The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication: Communication That Hurts Feelings, 329
The Dark Side of Relationships: Obsessive Relational Intrusion and Stalking, 330
Becoming Other-Oriented: What Constitutes Stalking?, 332
The Dark Side of Relationships: Jealousy, 332
The Dark Side of Relationships: Relational Violence, 334
De-Escalation and Termination of Relationships, 335
Signs of Relationship Problems, 335
Understanding Diversity: Gender and Ending Relationships, 336
Repair and Rejuvenation of Relationships, 336
The Decision to End a Relationship, 337
How Relationships End, 338
Reasons for De-Escalating and Terminating Relationships, 339
Understanding Diversity: Empathy and Sexual Orientation, 339
A Model of Ending Relationships, 340
Strategies for Ending Relationships, 341
Strategies for Post-Dissolution Recovery, 343
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: Assessing Your Emotional Responses to Relationship Challenges, 344
Building Your Skills: Assessing Your Past Relationships, 346
Summary, 346
For Discussion and Review, 347
Learning with Others, 347
Weblinks, 347
Chapter 12. Interpersonal Relationships at Home, through Computer-Mediated Communication, and at Work, 348
Interpersonal Relationships at Home, 350
Family Defined, 350
Family Types, 351
A Model of Family Interaction, 352
Building Your Skills: Identifying Your Family System, 354
Improving Family Communication, 354
Applying Theory and Research: Family Communication Patterns, 358
Interpersonal Relationships and Computer-Mediated Communication (CMC), 358
Comparing Face-to-Face (FtF) Communication and Computer-Mediated Communication (CMC), 359
Challenges of Computer-Mediated Communication, 361
Types of Computer-Mediated Communication, 362
Initiating and Establishing Relationships Through CMC, 363
Face-to-Face Interpersonal Relationships and CMC, 364
The Dark Side of CMC: Cyberstalking and Harassment, Addiction and Compulsion, 365
Building Your Skills: Assessing Problematic Computer-Mediated Communication, 366
Communication Skills for CMC, 367
Interpersonal Relationships at Work, 370
Workplace Friendships, 370
Workplace Romances, 371
Upward Communication: Talking with Your Boss, 372
Downward Communication: Talking with Your Subordinates, 373
Understanding Diversity: Male and Female Interactions in the Workplace, 374
Horizontal Communication: Talking with Your Colleagues, 374
Becoming Other-Oriented: At Home, Online, and at Work, 376
Outward Communication: Talking with Your Customers, 376
Interpersonal Communication and Emotion: Connecting Heart to Heart: Emotions at Home, in Computer-Mediated Interactions, and in the Workplace, 377
Summary, 378
For Discussion and Review, 379
Learning with Others, 379
Weblinks, 380
Notes, 381
Photo Credits, 408
Glossary, 409
Index, 417
Appendix A. Interpersonal Communication Skills, A-1
Appendix B. Interpersonal Communication Theories, B-1

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