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Copyright, iv
Preface, xv
Introduction, 1
Part One. The Fabric of Interpersonal Communication, 9
Chapter 1. A First Look at Interpersonal Communication, 9
The Interpersonal Imperative, 10
Physical Needs, 11
Safety Needs, 11
Belonging Needs, 12
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Missing Socialization, 13
Self-Esteem Needs, 13
Communication in Everyday Life—-Work: Interpersonal Communication on the Job, 14
Self-Actualization Needs, 14
Participating Effectively in a Diverse Society, 16
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Communicating in a Multicultural World, 16
Everyday Application: Communication and Your Needs, 17
Models of Interpersonal Communication, 17
Linear Models, 18
Interactive Models, 18
Transactional Models, 19
Defining Interpersonal Communication, 20
A Communication Continuum, 20
Everyday Application: Communicating in Your Relationships, 22
Features of Interpersonal Communication, 22
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Poor Interpersonal Communication as the Number One Cause of Divorce, 23
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Pillow Talk, 28
Everyday Application: Levels of Meaning, 28
Principles of Interpersonal Communication, 29
Principle 1: We Cannot Not Communicate, 29
Principle 2: Interpersonal Communication Is Irreversible, 29
Principle 3: Interpersonal Communication Involves Ethical Choices, 30
Principle 4: People Construct Meanings in Interpersonal Communication, 30
Principle 5: Metacommunication Affects Meanings, 31
Everyday Application: Improving Your Metacommunication, 33
Principle 6: Interpersonal Communication Develops and Sustains Relationships, 34
Principle 7: Interpersonal Communication Is Not a Panacea, 34
Principle 8: Interpersonal Communication Effectiveness Can Be Learned, 35
Guidelines for Interpersonal Communication Competence, 35
Develop a Range of Skills, 35
Adapt Communication Appropriately, 36
Engage in Dual Perspective, 37
Everyday Application: Developing Dual Perspective, 38
Monitor Your Communication, 38
Commit to Effective and Ethical Communication, 39
Everyday Application: Improving Communication Competence, 39
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 40
Chapter Summary, 41
Everyday Connections Online, 41
Key Concepts, 42
For Further Thought and Discussion, 42
Chapter 2. Communication and the Creation of Self, 43
What Is the Self?, 44
The Self Arises in Communication with Others, 44
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: What Is the Self?, 45
Particular Others, 45
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: The Role of Fathers in Socializing Children, 48
Everyday Application: Reflecting on Reflected Appraisals, 49
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Internalizing Racial Stereotypes, 49
Everyday Application: Reflecting on Your Identity Scripts, 51
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Attachment Styles and Relationships with Television Characters, 53
The Generalized Other, 53
Everyday Application: Identifying Social Values in Media, 53
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: The Construction of Race, 54
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: A GLAAD Self-Concept, 55
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Bruce, Brenda, and David, 56
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Caste Counts, 57
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Language and Class, 58
The Self Is Multidimensional, 58
Everyday Application: Reviewing Your Social Comparisons, 59
The Self Is a Process, 59
Social Perspectives Are Subject to Change, 60
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: A Cross-Cultural Look at Sexual Identity, 61
Guidelines for Improving Self-Concept, 62
Make a Firm Commitment to Personal Growth, 62
Gain and Use Knowledge to Support Personal Growth, 63
Set Goals That Are Realistic and Fair, 65
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: If at First You Don’t Succeed, 66
Seek Contexts That Support Personal Change, 66
Everyday Application: Improving Your Self-Concept, 68
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 68
Chapter Summary, 70
Everyday Connections Online, 70
Key Concepts, 70
For Further Thought and Discussion, 71
Chapter 3. Perception and Communication, 72
The Process of Human Perception, 73
Selection, 73
Organization, 75
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: I’m Cablinasian!, 76
Everyday Application: Changing Constructs, Changing Perceptions, 77
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: “I can’t understand the teacher’s accent.”, 78
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: A Script for Romance, 79
Everyday Application: Sizing Up Others, 79
Interpretation, 80
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Self-Serving Attributions and Sports, 81
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Thinking Your Way to a Good Relationship, 82
Influences on Perception, 83
Physiology, 83
Age, 83
Culture, 84
Everyday Application: Cultural Values, 85
Roles, 87
Cognitive Abilities, 87
Self, 89
Everyday Application: Discovering Your Implicit Personality Theories, 90
Guidelines for Improving Perception and Communication, 90
Recognize That All Perceptions Are Partial and Subjective, 90
Avoid Mind Reading, 91
Check Perceptions with Others, 92
Everyday Application: Checking Perceptions, 92
Distinguish between Facts and Inferences, 93
Guard against the Self-Serving Bias, 93
Everyday Application: Using Tentative Language, 93
Guard against the Fundamental Attribution Error, 94
Monitor Labels, 94
Everyday Application: Guarding against the Fundamental Attribution Error, 95
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth, 96
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 97
Chapter Summary, 99
Everyday Connections Online, 99
Key Concepts, 100
For Further Thought and Discussion, 100
Chapter 4. The World of Words, 101
The Symbolic Nature of Language, 102
Language Is Arbitrary, 102
Language Is Ambiguous, 103
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: Technospeak, 103
Language Is Abstract, 104
Everyday Application: Communicating Clearly, 104
Principles of Verbal Communication, 105
Language and Culture Reflect Each Other, 105
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Our Multicultural Language, 105
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: The Whorf–Sapir View of Language, 106
The Meanings of Language Are Subjective, 107
Language Use Is Rule Guided, 108
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: Chat Room Etiquette, 108
Everyday Application: Communication Rules, 109
Punctuation Shapes Meaning, 110
Everyday Application: Punctuating Interaction, 110
Symbolic Abilities, 111
Language Defines, 111
Language Evaluates, 112
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: The First Jewish Candidate for Vice President, 113
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Reappropriating Language, 114
Language Organizes Perceptions, 114
Language Allows Hypothetical Thought, 115
Language Allows Self-Reflection, 116
Speech Communities, 117
Gender Speech Communities, 118
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Which Blacks’ Black English?, 121
Guidelines for Improving Verbal Communication, 121
Engage in Dual Perspective, 121
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Missing the Boat, 122
Own Your Feelings and Thoughts, 122
Everyday Application: Using I Language, 123
Respect What Others Say about Their Feelings and Thoughts, 124
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Respecting Others’ Experiences, 125
Strive for Accuracy and Clarity, 125
Everyday Application: Using Concrete Language, 125
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 127
Chapter Summary, 128
Everyday Connections Online, 129
Key Concepts, 129
For Further Thought and Discussion, 129
Chapter 5. The World Beyond Words, 131
Defining Nonverbal Communication, 132
Similarities between Verbal and Nonverbal Communication, 132
Differences between Verbal and Nonverbal Communication, 134
Principles of Nonverbal Communication, 135
Nonverbal Communication May Supplement or Replace Verbal Communication, 135
Nonverbal Communication May Regulate Interaction, 135
Nonverbal Communication Often Establishes Relationship-Level Meanings, 135
Nonverbal Communication Reflects and Expresses Cultural Values, 138
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: “I’ll Move When I’m Ready and Not Before!”, 138
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: Multitasking Time, 139
Types of Nonverbal Communication, 140
Kinesics, 140
Communication in Everyday Life—Work: Cultural Differences in Workplace Nonverbal Communication, 140
Everyday Application: Communicating Closeness, 141
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Kinesics to Discourage Assault, 142
Haptics, 142
Physical Appearance, 143
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Help with Eating Disorders, 143
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Beauty for Sale, 144
Artifacts, 144
Communication in Everyday Life—Work: Identity Symbols in Military Life, 146
Environmental Factors, 146
Everyday Application: Artifacts and Identity, 146
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Kwanzaa, 147
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Environmental Racism, 148
Proxemics and Personal Space, 148
Everyday Application: What Does Your Space Say?, 149
Chronemics, 149
Communication in Everyday Life—Work: The Time Bind, 150
Paralanguage, 150
Everyday Application: Paralinguistic Cues, 151
Silence, 151
Guidelines for Improving Nonverbal Communication, 152
Monitor Your Nonverbal Communication, 152
Interpret Others’ Nonverbal Communication Tentatively, 153
Everyday Application: Using I Language about Nonverbal Behaviors, 153
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 155
Chapter Summary, 156
Everyday Connections Online, 157
Key Concepts, 157
For Further Thought and Discussion, 157
Chapter 6. Mindful Listening, 158
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: “The spirit catches you, and you fall down.”, 160
The Listening Process, 160
Mindfulness, 161
Physically Receiving Messages, 161
Communication in Everyday Life—Work: Good Listening = Career Advancement, 161
Everyday Application: Being Mindful, 162
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Signing as a Foreign Language, 162
Selecting and Organizing Material, 163
Interpreting Communication, 164
Responding, 164
Everyday Application: Responsive Listening, 165
Remembering, 165
Obstacles to Mindful Listening, 165
External Obstacles, 166
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: Technological Overload, 167
Internal Obstacles, 167
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Listening in a World Dominated by Sight, 170
Forms of Nonlistening, 170
Pseudolistening, 171
Monopolizing, 171
Selective Listening, 173
Defensive Listening, 173
Ambushing, 173
Literal Listening, 174
Everyday Application: Identifying Your Nonlistening Habits, 174
Adapting Listening to Communication Goals, 175
Listening for Pleasure, 175
Listening for Information, 175
Everyday Application: Improving Your Retention, 176
Listening to Support Others, 177
Everyday Application: Learning to Paraphrase, 178
Everyday Application: Using Minimal Encouragers, 179
Guidelines for Effective Listening, 180
Be Mindful, 180
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: More on Developing Listening Skills, 180
Adapt Listening Appropriately, 180
Listen Actively, 181
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 181
Chapter Summary, 183
Everyday Connections Online, 183
Key Concepts, 184
For Further Thought and Discussion, 184
Part Two. Weaving Communication into Relationships, 185
Chapter 7. Emotions and Communication, 185
Emotional Intelligence, 187
Communication in Everyday Life—Work: Emotional Intelligence on the Job, 187
Understanding Emotions, 188
Everyday Application: What’s Your EQ?, 188
Physiological Influences on Emotions, 190
Perceptual Influences on Emotions, 191
Social Influences on Emotions, 193
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: The Social Shaping of Grief, 194
Everyday Application: Religions and Feeling Rules, 194
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Cultural Codes for Anger, 195
Communication in Everyday Life—Work: Faking It, 196
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: The Gift of Fear, 197
Obstacles to the Effective Communication of Emotions, 198
Reasons We May Not Express Emotions, 198
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Sugar and Spice and Bullying!, 199
The Ineffective Expression of Emotions, 201
Everyday Application: Enlarging Your Emotional Vocabulary, 202
Guidelines for Communicating Emotions Effectively, 203
Everyday Application: Avoiding Counterfeit Emotional Language, 203
Identify Your Emotions, 204
Choose How to Express Emotions, 204
Own Your Feelings, 205
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: Virtual Emotions, 206
Monitor Your Self-Talk, 206
Adopt a Rational–Emotive Approach to Feelings, 206
Communication in Everyday Life—-Work: Talking Yourself into—or out of—a Job, 208
Respond Sensitively When Others Communicate Emotions, 208
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Albert Ellis in Action, 208
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Managing Anger, 209
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 210
Chapter Summary, 211
Everyday Connections Online, 212
Key Concepts, 212
For Further Thought and Discussion, 212
Chapter 8. Communication Climate: The Foundation of Personal Relationships, 213
Features of Satisfying Personal Relationships, 214
Investment, 215
Everyday Application: Your Investment in Relationships, 215
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: What Keeps Relationships Together?, 216
Commitment, 216
Trust, 216
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Dialogue and Doing: Alternate Paths to Closeness, 218
Comfort with Relational Dialectics, 219
Everyday Application: Applying Relational Dialectics, 221
Confirming and Disconfirming Climates, 222
Levels of Confirmation and Disconfirmation, 222
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Guidelines for Communicating with People with Disabilities, 224
Defensive and Supportive Climates, 224
Everyday Application: Analyzing Your Relationships, 225
Everyday Application: Using Descriptive Language, 226
Everyday Application: Assessing Communication Climates, 230
Guidelines for Creating and Sustaining Healthy Climates, 230
Actively Use Communication to Build Confirming Climates, 230
Accept and Confirm Others, 231
Affirm and Assert Yourself, 231
Respect Diversity in Relationships, 232
Everyday Application: Communicating Assertively, 233
Respond Constructively to Criticism, 234
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 235
Chapter Summary, 237
Everyday Connections Online, 238
Key Concepts, 238
For Further Thought and Discussion, 238
Chapter 9. Managing Conflict in Relationships, 240
Defining Interpersonal Conflict, 242
Expressed Disagreement, 243
Interdependence, 243
The Felt Need for Resolution, 243
Principles of Conflict, 243
Principle 1: Conflict Is Natural in Relationships, 244
Principle 2: Conflict May Be Overt or Covert, 244
Everyday Application: Understanding Your Conflict Script, 245
Principle 3: Social Groups Shape the Meaning of Conflict Behaviors, 246
Everyday Application: Identifying Games in Your Communication, 246
Principle 4: Conflict Can Be Managed Well or Poorly, 248
Principle 5: Conflict Can Be Good for Individuals and Relationships, 249
Orientations to Conflict, 250
Lose–Lose, 250
Win–Lose, 251
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Japanese and American Styles of Negoliation, 252
Win–Win, 252
Responses to Conflict, 252
Everyday Application: Identifying Your Conflict Orientations, 253
The Exit Response, 253
The Neglect Response, 254
The Loyalty Response, 254
The Voice Response, 255
Communication Patterns during Conflict, 255
Everyday Application: Enlarging Your Repertoire of Responses to Conflict, 255
Unproductive Conflict Communication, 256
Constructive Conflict Communication, 258
Conflict Management Skills, 261
Guidelines for Effective Communication during Conflict, 263
Focus on the Overall Communication System, 263
Time Conflict Purposefully, 264
Aim for Win–Win Conflict, 265
Honor Yourself, Your Partner, and the Relationship, 265
Show Grace When Appropriate, 266
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: The Communication of Forgiveness, 267
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 268
Chapter Summary, 269
Everyday Connections Online, 270
Key Concepts, 270
For Further Thought and Discussion, 270
Chapter 10. Friendships in Our Lives, 272
The Nature of Friendship, 273
Willingness to Invest, 273
Everyday Application: Your Style of Friendship, 274
Emotional Closeness, 274
Everyday Application: Appreciating Talking and Doing in Friendships, 276
Acceptance, 277
Trust, 278
Support, 278
The Development of Friendship, 280
Role-Limited Interaction, 281
Friendly Relations, 281
Moving toward Friendship, 281
Nascent Friendship, 281
Stabilized Friendship, 282
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Maintaining Friendships, 282
Waning Friendship, 283
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Friendships around the World, 284
Pressures on Friendships, 284
Internal Tensions, 284
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Just Friends?, 286
External Pressures, 286
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Friendships across the Life Span, 287
Everyday Application: Maintaining Friendship over Distance, 288
Guidelines for Communication between Friends, 289
Engage in Dual Perspective, 290
Communicate Honestly, 290
Everyday Application: Communicating Needs Clearly, 291
Grow from Differences, 292
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, 292
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: A Both–And Approach to Relationships, 293
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 293
Chapter Summary, 295
Everyday Connections Online, 295
Key Concepts, 295
For Further Thought and Discussion, 296
Chapter 11. Committed Romantic Relationships, 297
Committed Romantic Relationships, 298
Dimensions of Romantic Relationships, 298
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: The Rise of Online Romance, 299
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: The Prototype of Love, 300
Styles of Loving, 300
Everyday Application: Measuring Love and Commitment, 302
The Development of Romantic Relationships, 303
Growth Stages, 304
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Development of Interracial Relationships, 305
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: The Real Valentine’s Day, 306
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: E-Crushes, 307
Navigating, 308
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: The Chemistry of Love, 308
Deterioration Stages, 309
Everyday Application: Measuring the Strength of Your Relationship, 309
Guidelines for Communicating in Romantic Relationships, 311
Engage in Dual Perspective, 311
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Facts about Sexually Transmitted Diseases, 312
Practice Safer Sex, 312
Manage Conflict Constructively, 314
Adapt Communication to Maintain Long-Distance Relationships, 315
Communication in Everyday Life—Technology: Coping with Geographic Separation, 316
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 317
Chapter Summary, 319
Everyday Connections Online, 320
Key Concepts, 320
For Further Thought and Discussion, 320
Chapter 12. Communication in Families, 321
Diversity in Family Life, 322
Diverse Forms of Families, 323
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Color between the Lines, 323
Diverse Goals for Families, 324
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Love and Marriage Go Together Like . . ., 324
Cultural Diversity of Family Forms, 325
Diversity of Paths to Commitment, 326
Long-Term Commitments, 327
Cohabitation, 327
Marriage, 328
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Same-Sex Commitments around the World, 329
Relationship Types, 329
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: “I do. I REALLY do.”, 329
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Marital Types, 330
Everyday Application: Identifying Marital Types, 330
Communication and Satisfaction in Long-Term Commitments, 331
The Family Life Cycle, 332
Stage 1: Establishing a Family, 332
Stage 2: Enlarging a Family, 333
Everyday Application: Bundles of Joy and Change, 334
Stage 3: Developing a Family, 334
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Fathering, 335
Communication in Everyday Life—Diversity: Ethnicity and Parenting, 335
Stage 4: Encouraging Independence, 335
Stage 5: Launching Children, 336
Stage 6: Postlaunching of Children, 337
Everyday Application: Your Parents’ Stage in Family Life, 337
Stage 7: Retirement, 338
Everyday Application: Mapping Your Family’s Life Cycle, 338
Guidelines for Effective Communication in Families, 339
Maintain Equity in Family Relationships, 339
Communication in Everyday Life—Work: The Second Shift, 340
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: What Makes a Good Marriage?, 341
Make Daily Choices That Enhance Intimacy, 341
Show Respect and Consideration, 342
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, 343
Communication in Everyday Life—Insight: Love as a Package Deal, 343
Case Study: Continuing the Conversation, 344
Chapter Summary, 347
Everyday Connections Online, 347
Key Concepts, 347
For Further Thought and Discussion, 347
Epilogue: Continuing the Conversation, 349
Glossary, 353
References, 359
Index, 385

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